I'm Not Afraid to Keep On Living

1) I've been avoiding all the wank/meta/posts about race and fan fiction for a few reasons:

I'm white, and fully am aware of my own white privilege

I don't believe in a hierarchy of oppressions, and I don't think that anybody can say, with any clarity, what another person's oppression is like

Most of the fan fiction I write has white characters in it, or I don't explicitly write about their race and just assume the reader knows if the character has a different ethnic background (no, this isn't right, and I'm well aware of how fucked up it really is)

I don't want to think about how race plays a part in my own life, especially in terms of religion. Basically? I'm Jewish and while I mostly consider myself asexual, the few people in the past that I've genuinely liked/been attracted to are African-American (people of all genders) and, again, not to generalize but most people who are African-American are not Jewish, and I want to be with someone who shares my religious beliefs, if I end up with anybody at all. And I don't want to deal with that disconnect, at least not yet.

2) I'm getting a tattoo in a few weeks, and for a long time I thought the tattoo would say: "I am not afraid to walk this world alone" because it speaks to me. I've been rethinking this, though, and I want to have it say something else. I like Joan Didion and she has a quote that says: "We tell ourselves stories in order to live" which I think would be an awesome tattoo. Or there's always Neil Gaiman, and possibly a tattoo of Death or Delerium. Too many fucking choices, people! Too many fucking choices!

3) I'm sick of my job at the Red Cross. In the past when this has happened I just quit and moved on to something else, but now I don't know what else there is to move on to.

4) I'm thinking about taking up photography, because I want to start creating something with my hands, and I have always loved black and white photography. I love being in the dark room and developing film as well, but most photography now-a-days is digital. I have a stash of cash saved up and am looking at buying a nice camera, I just don't know if I want to spend all that much money on something if I don't know yet if I'm serious about it. Hmmm.

5) I read Debbie Harry Sings in French which is a YA novel about a kid growing up. He eventually realizes he likes crossdressing, but is straight, and his girlfriend supports this habit. It's an okay book, but I think the characters accepted the main guy a little too quickly. Basically? The pacing felt wrong.

6) I did promise some Good Kid, Gone Missing (and a good portion of the next part is finished, just...) but it is not going to happen right now. Instead I spent quite a bit of time focusing on my Brent/Bob story and fleshing it out. My big bang fic? 11,000+ words right now! Booyah!

7) My favorite bandom story, bar none, is A Brokedown Melody which I have reread (for realz, yo!) at least 7 times. It's a story about Jon and his life if he moved away from Chicago at the age of 12. It's what has majorly influenced my story about Brendon moving to Utah (the one where Spence join's My Chem).

8) I really don't like Panic! at the Disco (their music) but I can't stop writing fic about them, or reading fic about them. It's annoying. Help?